Some Likes and the "Not So Much" List

So, I was going through old papers, and found a bunch of my old vball stuff; workouts, inspirational articles, goals, etc. One of the things my coach in college had us do at the beginning of season was write down 100 things we liked and 100 things we didn't like. Everyone on the team would then get a copy of each persons' list, and we would, to some degree, get to know each teammate. Just a fun, random way to bring in freshmen more or less.

Anyways, I was reading over my list, and thought it very interesting and a bit humorous some of the things I wrote down. I found myself wondering where in the world I got some of that stuff. I decided to share a few with y'all...

Things I Liked:
1. raisins
2. flamingos (yeah, no clue on this one)
3. no lines at Wal-Mart (um, cause who doesn't love no lines at wal-mart?)
4. Mach 3 razors (they had significant impact in my world)
5. and apparently rap music (cause it made the list twice)
6. N*Sync
7. 90210

The Not So Much:
1. girls softball (more funny to me cause I'm surrounded by softball people now)
2. Vince Gill (hi-larious I actually put this)
3. sauerkraut (naaasty stuff)
4. tea (and now I love tea)
5. being "petted" (apparently this was an issue for me?)
6. stinky dead fish
7. leather seats

Lost Sight

It's sad to me to think how much I've been focusing inward, and completely lost sight of anything around me. I feel as though I've gone from one extreme to the other this past year of life. It's strange to me how fast things change. Well, I guess this wasn't necessarily a "fast" change for me. (Unless you consider a year fast?) But no matter how much you know or feel yourself changing, I'm not sure you're really able to see the change until it's pretty far gone...or maybe I'm not being completely honest in that. I think I might have known the change was occuring, but just didn't do anything about it. Either way, my ability at self-awareness in no way helped deter or slow my progression to my current state.

I am such a different person than I was a year ago. Not that the goal is to stay the same, but the change I've seen is not the kinda change I want. I realize this post will probably come off completely ambiguous to all but those 2 or 3 people that actually have walked beside me this past year, so forgive me for that. I'm sure details will come out down the road. To be honest, I'm not sure I could really articulate what's been going on anyways.

The point of this random entry is for me to acknowledge there needs to be a shift within, and I think publicly admitting that sometimes helps in that process...accountability to some degree.

I pray for the strength and grace to go walk towards Him. Allowing Him to redeem, soften, and love me...all of me.

"Now seek the Lord your God with all your heart..." 1 Chron 22:19

Does God Give a Rip...

about balance?

Last fall I started reading Contrarians Guide to Knowing God. Unfortunately, I put it down last fall, and forgot to pick it back up. Finally opened it up again, and decided to share some points that encouraged/challenged me.

Towards the end of the book Osborne presents a chapter on balanced living. Since my life seems on all fronts painfully out of balance, I figured I was in for it. Very quickly into the chapter I was reading points and thoughts very counter to what I expected to be reading (hints the title I suppose).

He begins by presenting examples of obvious imbalance in lives from key people in the Bible. Noah, Moses, Jeremiah, David, and even Paul all had areas of their life that could be challenged as being "out of balance." He says this notion is really more a reflection of American culture than Biblical example.

Of course, he's not saying this should be taken into extreme. Certainly we want to prevent imbalance in areas that can cause harm to ourselves or others. But let's be honest, results like that do not happen over night but over time. And this is the key (at least the key that I took from the chapter). When we're faced with competing priorities in life, my goal should not be complete balance, but focus on what God is calling me to in that moment on that day. The different callings God has for each of us call for a certain amount of sacrifice in other areas. The missionary overseas does not get the time with family others do. The mother of three may not have the time to do small groups and pour into someone one-on-one as someone else. Each calling typically comes with a bit of limitation.

He provides three questions we can ask ourselves when trying to assess where we're at in the spectrum of "balance."

1) What season is this?
"Life is not static." Examples he gave: the farmer during harvest, the mother of 3 children under 6, the person starting up a business. All three are examples of seasons that may come with serious "imbalance." As much as it is very much what God has called them to, it is temporary.

2) What does God want me to do today?
Each day comes with a specific call from God. For the college student who has to pass his/her finals, it might mean a few days of serious study. This may mean they can't make small group that week, family might be a bit neglected, but I believe God wants us to do well on that exam.

3) Is anything so out of balance that it is beginning to harm my health, relationships, or walk with God? Yeah, here's where it got me. Allow me to go ahead and insert some personal conviction and application. If I were to ask myself if any three (or even all 3) of those areas in my life were being seriously affected by my present "imbalance," what would my answer be? As I'm sitting in my bed with half a voice left from the looooong volleyball tournament I coached, the inability to meet with a friend who needs to talk because I have to work today, and the fact I'm blogging instead of spending some alone time with God, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I know my answer.

Well, they say knowing is half the battle, right? Now time to readjust and figure out how to get some things in check. Any of you with suggestions, please feel free. Just be nice...please.

Broken

I heard this last Sunday in church, and it completely rocked me. You know when you walk into church, and get that feeling like He's sitting there waiting for you. And not to get all technical, yes I know He's always with me, but what I mean is like He has something a bit special in mind for you in that particular moment. Either way, I walked into worship last Sunday, and literally said to myself, "Oh great, here it comes." Like I knew He was about to push on some buttons and really press into me. Honestly, I haven't been walking with Him very well. Not in the sense of making poor choices, more so in neglecting to spend time with Him and really seeking after Him alone. Lots of stuff distracting me from my relationship with God.

Standing there in church was this overwhelming reminder that He is in fact God...The Holy God that does in fact reign. Worthy and mighty to be praised.

Alleluia Alleluia
For our Lord God Almighty reigns

Alleluia
Holy Holy
Are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb

You are Holy
Holy
Are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb

Amen

Wow

It would be a way big understatement to say it's been awhile. My life's pretty much done a 180 in the last couple months, which has, fortunately or unfortunately, resulted in my inability to update this blog. Pretty sure whatever following I might of had has complete dissipated, but figured I'd update none the less. I haven't even had any sort of harassment from Ashlie! Maybe she even gave up on me! ;0)

So, for the update...I'm now am 110% working all the stinkin time. Most of you know, I'm a personal trainer for 24 Hour, and really loving every minute of it. I seriously work from 5:00am to 8:00pm on a daily basis (minus my Sundays), but am currently trying to create some boundaries so as not to go crazy. I also get to teach cycle a few days a week, as well as some ab/bootcamp classes. Friday's have become light days, and I pretty much just take morning clients. I am definitely poolside for the rest of the day! God has seriously blessed me beyond measure, and my business is pretty ridiculous. I am nothing but grateful for all He has brought into my life. My training staff is pretty great, and we've been blessed with an amazing brand new gym. Love it...

I will admit it's not the easiest environment to be in. It's a world where vanity, self, and success is more than glorified. The more you work, preform, and succeed the greater the respect you gain. I have found myself, more often than I'd like to admit, slipping back into habits and struggles God and I have been walked through before. There is such a tension between success and blessing.

The scripture I've been meditating on for the last week or so...

"Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." Col 2:6-7

and one more...

"...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." Phil 2:13

That I would remember to sink my roots down into Him alone. That I will not be distracted or consumed with the things around me. That I would remember that those things that surround me will fade, and it is Him alone that will remain. Please allow me to overflow with patience, grace, peace, love, and kindness through Your Holy Spirit. Thank you for who I am in YOU.

I will try to do better at keeping what few of you remain updated!!!

MS 150

So, I'm kinda getting into this whole endurance racing/training stuff. I've done the marathon thing, have started swimming, and most recently have taken up outdoor cycling. Most of you know I have taught indoor cycling for some time now. I absolutely love it. One thing I did not love so much was the though of outdoor riding. Um, clipping into a bike going 20+ miles per hour? No thanks. Too stinkin scary. What if I had to stop suddenly? Or I hit a bump and was falling over? NO WAY I want to be clipped in to something!!!

Well, a good friend from college, Ashlie, asked me to think about doing the MS150 with her. What is that you ask? Well, it's a 150+ mile bike ride. Yeah, I said over 150 miles. That's a lot of stinkin miles!!! Long story short, and probably not a huge surprise, I agreed to do it. It was for a great cause (raising money to help end multiple sclerosis), and an awesome challenge. We were to do 86 miles on day one, and the 66 on day two.

We were able to ride through the beautiful countryside of north Texas (basically to Oklahoma). It was awesome just to ride through and take it all in. Well, it was awesome up until the last 10 minutes of the ride. At that point torrential downpour started. It was miserable! We walked around for a solid 2 hours trying to figure out how to leave. You can go to Ashlie's blog to see pics and get a few more details. We were unable to ride day 2 due to the rains, but all in all I gotta admit I wasn't too sad about it. My bum was definitely thankful. It was a great weekend of riding, spending time with Ash and her fam, and getting some quiet time on the road. Thanks for talking me into it Ash!!

The Kashubas

Where to even begin. God has blessed me exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have ever asked or imagined with Amanda and Michal Kashuba. Amanda has become more than a best friend, but an amazing sister in Christ. It's one of those rare friendships I believe few get to experience. I am blessed by her in countless ways, and can honestly say have never taken advantage of the gift she is to me. Amanda, you are irreplaceable, and have been a true Godsend. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

I have the great privilege of being "Aunt" Heather to their 3 precious children. These gifts from above have entered into their home and our lives in a special way. Chad, Brett, and Kaylie became official Kashubas today! It's been a much anticipated day, and one we all never will forget. I have learned so much through both Michael and Amanda, and count it a huge honor to have walked alongside them these last few years in there journey to their new family. It's been a hard, sweet road. One I believe has totally been worth the wait! I only hope one day I have the privilege of adopting my own children. There are so many of God's children that need love, and so many of us able to provide that love.

Lord, that we would remember to pray for and love on your precious children...regardless of circumstance, age, race, or gender. Let us see them through your eyes. And Lord, thank you for the Kashuba family. Thank you for Chaddy, Bretty, and KK. I love them more than I can say, and hold them each close to my heart!

Needing some Jesus

As of late, I've been feeling the lack and desperate need for Jesus in big ways. It's been quite a road the last 9 months or so. I wish I could say I've been full of faith, hope, and trust, BUT the truth of the matter is I've been clinging to the verse "faith as small as a mustard seed" to be more true than ever. No doubt I feel my faith has been tried, tested, and embarassingly small over the last year. BUT in God's ever perfect, unchanging, faithful way, He has proved true in so many ways.

I was talking with a friend the other day about the difficulty in sitting at His feet in the midst of tremendous proof of His faithfulness, and the huge lack of faith on my end. Do you know those moments I'm talking about? You've spent days, weeks, even months questioning and doubting He is who He says He is. You've been frustrated, annoyed, even angry at the "obvious" lack of doing on His part. No matter how many times He has proven His all-knowing, perfect plan I somehow still doubt Him. It's embarassing...really embarassing. I'm having a hard time resting in the loving grace He provides and desires to lavish on me.

How hard it is for my small human mind to comprehend His never ending love and faithful embrace. Oh Lord, that I would have the faith to trust in Your Word and Your forgiveness.

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."
Hebrews 4:16

Get ready to groove

And for the original...Mr Marvin Gaye ladies and gentlemen...

Pslam 51...Enough Said

I read this Psalm the other day, and it convicted me to the core! Kinda one of those hurt-so-good-moments...

Lord, that I would remember it is you alone I am living and breathing for. May I recognize, and not take for granted, the grace you bestow on my life daily, even hourly. Please, let me embrace and not turn away the forgiveness you have bestowed on my life through Your very Son. Thank you. Your love and faithfulness is more than I can comprehend.

"Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."