Dramatic Trust

“Pray that I would have clarity,” he said. Mother Teresa replied firmly, “No, I will not do that. Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When the young man commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed. “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

What I often pray for others and myself is that we will have clarity. That God will give us discernment and wisdom. What I’m realizing more and more is that although these things can be good, what we really should be craving is trust in Him. What I should be praying for others and myself is for God to grant us the ability to trust. Trust is a hard thing. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say with complete truth, “I trust in You. Wherever you lead, I will follow.” Knowledge is so much more comforting than blindly walking. (Amen?)  Unfortunately, clarity is fleeting, and rarely cultivates lasting trust. It really just temporarily alleviates uncertainty.

Life the last several months has been hard.  Since moving back to the DFW area, life has pretty much gone the opposite of everything we hoped and "planned."  I know, I know, God laughs at our plans....BUT when things go so completely NOT the way you thought they would...it's hard. Really hard.  Especially when it involves jobs not working out and a baby coming.  Stress-ful.  

I've been reading through Psalms for awhile now.  Lots of good stuff.  I love the emotions in the Psalms.  It's really perfect for someone as emotional as I am (especially the preggo version of me!).  I find comfort in the authors' dramatic verbiage.  It's almost as if I can visualize this man's cries for help and pleas of anguish, that almost immediately turn into this stoic face of reciting indisputable truth.  He takes his moment to cry out, then remembers God is on His throne and is in control.  Often times, I find myself getting stuck in the first phase of that process...the crying out and pleas of anguish.  I don't quite make it to the reciting of Truth.  Not a great place to stop, agreed?  I'm not sure why I do this to myself.  Why in the world would anyone stop at the worst part of a movie or book?   I usually want to get through that part asap!  I suppose it's my tendency toward the dramatic, but either way I've been trying to reflect and figure out why I do this.  


As always, I believe this comes back to love. If we cannot say from the depths of our souls that we are cherished and loved by the One and Only, then trust is really just a lofty notion. How can we trust all that we are and will be to someone we don’t believe loves us? If I know God’s love for me is never- ending (Eph 3:17-18), that He will always fight for me (Ex 14:13-14), and His protection never ends (Ps 121:8), then how can I not trust Him? If trusting Him is as hard for you as it is for me, may we revisit daily, hourly if necessary, the depths of His love for us. I long to trust Him completely. 

Revival Within

So, I've been writing several blog posts over the last few weeks.  Some in my head, some I've actually typed out and keep pressing "save."  Either way, there's been a lot God has been bringing to the forefront...overwhelmingly so really.   Makes me excited what God is showing and revealing to me, but it's a lot.  And sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with things I tend to stop and distract myself with other things.  Hate that quality about myself, but it's true.  So, here's to one of a few blogs to come...

"Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Heb 10:23

I am eternally grateful for the work the Lord has done within me. For the path I’ve been on...for the lessons and blessings He has bestowed on my life. Even in the hard stuff I can be forever grateful for His refining.  Unfortunately, I have found myself in a bit of a spiritual funk lately. Prayer, being in the Word, journaling, the whole nine yards, have been a bit lacking to say the least. I’ve talked with a few friends, asked for prayer, continued to go to Him daily, but nothing. Aren’t these points in our walk frustrating? Drives me crazy...

I started journaling in college, and have found it to be a great blessing. It has become and invaluable tool, as it allows me to go back and revisit things He has taken me through. Well, this time I was surprised to find my light ignited with past emails.
I randomly went back to emails I had received and written a few years ago. As I read, I was overcome by the passion and drive I had for the Lord. I found myself longing to be there again. Of course, this didn’t happen instantaneously, but the clouds were and are beginning to lift. The Lord reminded me of His faithfulness. He reminded me of the importance of faith. And sometimes faith is remembering He’s here even if we don’t “feel” He is there. I get frustrated in the times I am not overwhelmed with Him...when I’m not growing in some way...when I’m not in the depths of despair or having a mountain top experience. I have the all-or-nothing approach to many things in life, and find I carry that over to Him sometimes. A piece of advice I gave someone in one email in particular really hit home...

“...remember He is there. Ask God to remind you of His goodness. Remember the times He has rescued you over and over again. The times He has held your hand, showed you the way, and loved you through the lowest points. He is that same God now that He was then.”


 Sometimes it seems God is silent, not saying a word, but it’s then that maybe He’s wanting you to “see” Him more than “hear” Him. So, what about you? Are you in a season of hearing? Or seeing? Or maybe both? Just don’t forget to take the time to BE with Him...whatever that looks like for you.  It's sometimes the hardest step, but just finding 5 or 10 minutes to give to Him can make all the difference in the world.  Lord, help me to be still and know YOU are God...

And her name is...

Annabelle Christine

Meaning:  Graceful, Beloved
Verse:
"I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;
    with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."

Psalm 89:1

We cannot wait to meet you sweet Annabelle!!  

30 Weeks and some change

Welp, we've made it to 30 weeks!  I really cannot complain because, as far as Texas summers go, this has been extremely tolerable (so far).  I have seen next weeks forecast, and 100 degree weather is knocking at the door.  NOT looking forward to that, BUT grateful I'm not undergoing last years summer.

Obviously I stepped it up in the picture department for this weeks update.  A HUGE thank you to our amazing photographer, Leslie Spurlock.  She did our engagements, bridals, wedding pics, and we LOVE her!  She is wanting to get into maternity pics, so she emailed and asked if she could snap some pics of me for her portfolio.  I responded with and obvious, "OF COURSE!!"  She's a bit more artsy/seductive then I would consider myself, but I tried.  It is really hard to not look awkward during a photo shoot never being able to smile.  So hard!

So, here's this weeks news and updates!

How far along? 30 Weeks and a few days

Total weight gain: 26+ lbs
Maternity clothes? yep, but still wear a few things that aren't maternity.  fortunately fashion trends allow me to not have all maternity clothes!   
Stretch marks? nope
Sleep: doing pretty well in that department.  napping is sooo hard for me!  so when i hit the pillow at night, i am OUT!  i'm learning to sleep through all her kicks, flips, and punches!
Best moment this week: getting my facial was pretty stinkin amazing. (if you need an amazing esthetician, let me know!  I have one!)  
Miss Anything? my energy levels?  gracious am i starting to feel the fatigue set in much faster these days.  still miss eating normally 
Movement: she LOVES moving.  travis and i joke all the time about how feisty she already is.  she moves ALL the time!
Food cravings: loving fruit!  and dark chocolate chips....soooooo good!  
Anything making you queasy or sick: protein in general.  brutal.  my cereal in the morning is starting to get pretty difficult
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: headaches, breathing is getting harder at times, and she is kicking me in the ribs more and more!
Belly Button in or out? barely in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy
Looking forward to: getting some details in the nursery done this week/weekend.  
 

28 Weeks...AND Counting!

Sorry the quality of the pic isn't fantastic.   I never want to take the time to find our camera.  But look how far my belly is sticking out!!   This little girl is growing like crazy!  I feel like my belly grows by the hour.    Enjoy the update!

How far along? 28 Weeks

Total weight gain: 20 lbs...thankful I've maintained the last couple weeks
Maternity clothes? It's a mix.  Pants/shorts for sure maternity.  Dresses and shirts I do both.  
Stretch marks? Thankfully, no!
Sleep: Sleeping good.  Really wishing I could just sleep on my back!
Best moment this week: Ummmm...kind of a rough week.  I did get an abundance of cute clothes from a friend.  CANNOT wait to start playing dress up with this little one!
Miss Anything? Miss wearing my super cute summer dresses and overall summer attire.  And working out.  How much I wish I could get in a hard workout.  
Movement: All.  The.  Time.   Still at night and early in the morning.  But I'll tell ya, one night of less movement and I freak out.  I would rather have her keep me up moving then nothing at all!
Food cravings: Lots and lots of fruit!  Cantaloupe, blueberries, mango, pineapple...LOVE em all
Anything making you queasy or sick: nothing new to this list.  same ol same ol
Gender: Girl - Precious girl, and we might have picked her name!!!
Labor Signs: No.  I did experience some braxton hicks for the first time.  Kinda freaked me out.  
Symptoms: Still got some heartburn.  Been having some lower back pain.  Hips are definitely more unstable these days.  
Belly Button in or out? can't decide, but definitely doing something, and not incredibly cute
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Kinda moody.  It's been a rough week, so lots of tears.  Super emotional right now!
Looking forward to: Taking our maternity pics in a couple weeks.  Super excited to see how they go!

26 Weeks...And growing like crazy!

So, apparently I've hit a serious growth spurt because I've had more than a few comments in the last week about how much bigger I look.  Not my favorite comment to get, but I certainly cannot complain considering I'm 6.5 months pregnant and just now looking really pregnant.  But man, have I been feeling big lately!  Breathing is getting a bit difficult, lower back pain is kicking in a bit, and I've been really tired the last week.  All out pregnant at this point!!  Enjoy the update!  (sorry the pics a bit blurry)

How far along? 26 Weeks

Total weight gain: 20 lbs - whoa, major jump in the last couple weeks! and I have no idea where that 20lbs is! kinda scary!
Maternity clothes? Yes, mam!  I am loving maxi dresses right now.  I found some great buys at Gap Maternity (by far my fav place to shop).  I'm pretty much living in vnecks and tanks right now.  
Stretch marks? not yet
Sleep: Sleeping good.  I wake up on my back in the middle of the night and freak out, but that's about it.  I sleep with a pillow in between my legs every night, and it helps a ton.
Best moment this week: Finally decided on my baby bedding.  That's been the hardest part!  Now comes the fun part of finishing furniture and accent decor.  
Miss Anything? Really miss the ability to have a hard, intense workout.  Would love any high intensity workout at this point.  AND I really miss enjoying food.  Just don't enjoy eating at all anymore.  
Movement: ALL the time, but especially at night.  She is such a wiggle worm!  She wakes me up pretty early moving around as well.  I'm lucky to get to sleep in til 7:00 these days.  
Food cravings:  I've kinda been on a pancake kick lately.  At least a few times a week the last couple weeks.  Watermelon is super delicious these days, but always ends up making me feel sick for some reason.  Sooo weird!
Anything making you queasy or sick:  The usual: chicken, eggs, mexican...Travis is going crazy.
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Round ligament pain is pretty uncomfortable these days.. assuming that is only going to get way worse. Heartburn lingers ALL day long no matter what I eat... cereal & milk for breakfast? Boom! Heartburn. Fantastic.
Belly Button in or out? halfway in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Feeling happy!  Kinda overwhelmed sometimes at all I feel I need to do.
Looking forward to:  Visiting our family in Tennessee next weekend!  Haven't seen them since Cam and Katie's wedding.  Also excited to get my bedding in and start painting!

Some preggo rants

I know I'm waaay behind on my weekly belly pics/update.  I always seem to forget to take a pic when I actually take a shower and look cute.  Might have to just toss that lofty notion in the trash, and take the pic how I look most often: workout clothes, no makeup, and on day 3 of my non-washed hair.   Hot, I know. But I hated washing my hair pre pregnancy, so no shock there I hate it even more now.  Which brings me to my first rant...

Where is this whole "glowing" complexion and amazing lustrous hair everyone always talks about while pregnant.  There is no glow on this girl, AND my hair is anything but lustrous.  I think it's drier than ever!  Horrible to be exact.  I suppose my hair catastrophe from a couple months ago didn't' help, but still.  I'm popping these pre-natals everyday, you'd think I get a little benefit from them!  But sadly, no.  A big fat no at that.

I miss working out.  And no that does not make me psycho or obsessive.  I'm a firm believer people give you the "obsessive" label because they're on the "lazy" side.  Yes I said it, LAAAZY.  Just because I like working out most days of the week and actually like eating right does not qualify me as obsessive.  It's called a healthy lifestyle.  You should try it.

I understand I have a somewhat rude awakening when our sweet little girl comes.  But honestly, I'm really curious to see what that really will look like for us.  I remember before I was pregnant EVERYONE would tell me, "Oh just wait til you have a baby.  Once your pregnant you'll get huge, and you'll never be the same."  Well, so far so good.  I'm not saying I'm the picture of perfection for preggo bodies, BUT I'm not going crazy either.  I feel I'm at a very healthy, realistic size for 26 weeks pregnant.  And as far as after baby, well, we still have to see how that goes.  I just love that my clients will have one less excuse to throw at me as to why they just cannot lose the "baby" weight.

Hard work, dedication, and discipline are words I wish I could wear everyday I train someone.  It's the big picture.  It's not just that one hour you got yourself to that bootcamp, training session, run/walk, or class.  It is choices you make every  hour of every day.  That one hour is a GREAT start, but will not change everything.  What you put in your mouth is what you really should be paying attention to.  Remember:

1.  You cannot achieve goals without discipline.
2. A huge part about losing weight is realizing it CANNOT, WILL NOT happen overnight.
3. Fad diets may change your weight, but WILL NOT change your body.
4. You cannot out-train a bad diet.  Period.  End of story.
5. You are not a dog, so stop rewarding yourself with food!
6. Stop comparing yourself to others.  That viscous cycle never ends.  Love YOU!
7. The only bad workout is the one that did not happen.
8. Stop using your family and kids as an excuse.  Be an example of healthy living for them. They need you healthy!
9. SOMEONE WHO IS BUSIER THAN YOU IS RUNNING RIGHT NOW!

Ok, done.  Those are some of my fav quotes right now.  So good.  Thanks for listening.  I feel better now. ;-)  Remember, you CAN do it.

23 Weeks

How far along? 23 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 14 lbs. +
Maternity clothes? Not really.   Spring/Summer is great for drawstring linen pants and dresses!  And the rubber band trick for the pants are a lifesaver!
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Sleeping pretty good.  Still peeing at least once a night.  Dreams are CA-Razy
Best moment this week:  Hit the jackpot for the nursery.  Cannot wait to show you what I'm getting for the nursery and how much we DIDN'T spend on it!  LOVE finding cheap perfect furniture!
Miss Anything? Being able to eat what I wanted.  This little girl is picky!   
Movement: She is most active at night in bed and when waking up.  She wakes me up most mornings moving and hungry!!
Food cravings: Well, happy to report I might be on the last leg of the burger obsession (thankfully).  Eating was harder this week.  I HATE protein right now.  Have to force it down.  Loving watermelon, mango, and dark chocolate chips!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Chicken, eggs, turkey, pretty much any lean meat is out of the question.
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Nope
Symptoms: Round ligament pain like crazy!  Pretty bad this last week.  That and having nausea back a little bit.
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: HAPPY
Looking forward to: Continuing to decorate the nursery.  Canton weekend is coming, and mom and I are going to go crazy!  

All things pink, frilly, and fun!

It's a GIRL!!

We are so super excited! Travis, a little scared, and already saving to buy his gun, of course. ;-)  I'm saving too, but I'm saving for all the ridiculously cute clothes I'm going to be buying for her!!  Endless fun.  Now, on to names...oh the pressure!!

Preggo Fashion

SO, I'm pregnant.  Pregnant and growing each day.  Getting dressed is not super fun these days.  I HATE the idea of going to buy clothes with each stage, so my options are dwindling by the day.  I'll give in eventually, but for now I'm making my way through my current options.  I'm finding the word "maternity" is like the word "wedding."  Add that "M" word to anything and it jacks the price up instantly!  Annoying.

To appease my pregnancy fashion needs, I've turned to pinterest.  Pinterest then led me to Sydney's blog.  I'm mildly obsessed with this chicks blog.  Not that I actually know her, BUT after reading her blog for awhile now I would totally be her friend if i DID know her.  She is SO amazing with fashion, and she's funny.  I will be replicating her throughout my pregnancy.  Well, as much as possible...financially that is!  Check her out http://www.thedaybookblog.com/