Dramatic Trust

“Pray that I would have clarity,” he said. Mother Teresa replied firmly, “No, I will not do that. Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When the young man commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed. “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

What I often pray for others and myself is that we will have clarity. That God will give us discernment and wisdom. What I’m realizing more and more is that although these things can be good, what we really should be craving is trust in Him. What I should be praying for others and myself is for God to grant us the ability to trust. Trust is a hard thing. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say with complete truth, “I trust in You. Wherever you lead, I will follow.” Knowledge is so much more comforting than blindly walking. (Amen?)  Unfortunately, clarity is fleeting, and rarely cultivates lasting trust. It really just temporarily alleviates uncertainty.

Life the last several months has been hard.  Since moving back to the DFW area, life has pretty much gone the opposite of everything we hoped and "planned."  I know, I know, God laughs at our plans....BUT when things go so completely NOT the way you thought they would...it's hard. Really hard.  Especially when it involves jobs not working out and a baby coming.  Stress-ful.  

I've been reading through Psalms for awhile now.  Lots of good stuff.  I love the emotions in the Psalms.  It's really perfect for someone as emotional as I am (especially the preggo version of me!).  I find comfort in the authors' dramatic verbiage.  It's almost as if I can visualize this man's cries for help and pleas of anguish, that almost immediately turn into this stoic face of reciting indisputable truth.  He takes his moment to cry out, then remembers God is on His throne and is in control.  Often times, I find myself getting stuck in the first phase of that process...the crying out and pleas of anguish.  I don't quite make it to the reciting of Truth.  Not a great place to stop, agreed?  I'm not sure why I do this to myself.  Why in the world would anyone stop at the worst part of a movie or book?   I usually want to get through that part asap!  I suppose it's my tendency toward the dramatic, but either way I've been trying to reflect and figure out why I do this.  


As always, I believe this comes back to love. If we cannot say from the depths of our souls that we are cherished and loved by the One and Only, then trust is really just a lofty notion. How can we trust all that we are and will be to someone we don’t believe loves us? If I know God’s love for me is never- ending (Eph 3:17-18), that He will always fight for me (Ex 14:13-14), and His protection never ends (Ps 121:8), then how can I not trust Him? If trusting Him is as hard for you as it is for me, may we revisit daily, hourly if necessary, the depths of His love for us. I long to trust Him completely.